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Big Data Humor: Top 10 Conversations That You Don’t Want to Have on Data Innovation Day

(Reprinted from http://rocketdatascience.org/?p=157 )

Data Innovation Day was celebrated on January 22, with many excellent events, including these:

http://www.datainnovationday.org/

https://twitter.com/hashtag/datascichat

In honor of the event, I prepared the following attempt at Big Data Humor...

The Top 10 Conversations That You Don’t Want to Have on Data Innovation Day

10.  CDO (Chief Data Officer) speaking to Data Innovation Day event manager who is trying to re-schedule the event for Father’s Day: “Hey! It’s pronounced ‘Day-tuh’, not ‘Dadda’.”

9.  CDO speaking at the company’s Data Innovation Day event regarding an acronym that was used to list his job title in the event program guide: “I am the company’s Big Data ‘As A Service’ guru ('Big Data AAS'), not the company’s Big Data ‘As Software Service’ guru.”

8.  Data Scientist speaking to Data Innovation Day session chairperson: “Why are all of these cows on stage with me? I said I was planning to give a LASSO demonstration.”

​7.  Anyone speaking to you: “Our organization has always done big data.”

6.  You speaking to anyone: “Seriously? The title of our Data Innovation Day Event is ‘Big Data is just Small Data, Only Bigger’?”

5.  New cybersecurity administrator (fresh from college) sends this e-mail to company’s Data Scientists at 4:59pm: “The security holes in our Hadoop system are now fixed. It will now automatically block all ports from accepting incoming data access requests between 5:00pm and 9:00am the next day.  Gotta go now.  Have a nice evening.  From your new BFF.”

4.  Data Scientist to new HR Department Analytics ​Specialist regarding the truckload of tree seedlings that she received as her end-of-year company bonus:  “I said in my employment application that I like Decision Trees, not Deciduous Trees.”

3.  Organizer for the huge Las Vegas Data Innovation Day Symposium speaking to the conference keynote speaker: “Oops, sorry.  I blew your $100,000 speaker’s honorarium at the poker tables in the Grand Casino.”

2.  Over-zealous cleaning crew speaking to Data Center Manager arriving for work in the morning after Data Innovation Day event that was held in the company’s Exascale Data Center: “We did a very thorough job cleaning your data center. And we won’t even charge you for the extra hours that we spent wiping the dirty data from all of those disk drives that you kept talking about yesterday.”

1.  Announcement to University staff regarding the Data Innovation Day event:  “Dan Ariely’s keynote talk ‘Big Data is Like Teenage Sex‘ is being moved from room B002 in the Physics Department to the Campus Football Stadium due to overwhelming student interest.”

 

Follow Kirk Borne on Twitter @KirkDBorne

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Tags: Analytics, Big, Data, Science

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